A Rational Fear’s End Of The Fear Special Suck It Mayans we made it! Sydney’s number one satirical comedy night is back at the FBi Social to see off the year 2012 with classless aplomb. Some of Australia’s best comedic talent tackle topical issues head on without fear nor favour.  Part panel show, part soap box, part interview show, it’s like Q AndA on schoolies.  Join MC Dan Ilic (Hungry Beast), Lewis Hobba (Triple J), Scott Abbott (Political Asylum) and Chris Taylor (The Chaser) with special guest comics Zoe Norton Lodge (Hamster Wheel) Nina Oyama (Raw Comedy) and Wil Anderson (The Gruen Transfer) and a very special interview guest TBA (TBC)  Fast, funny, and highly questionable. A Rational Fear’s End Of The Fear Special is Cutting edge piss-taking with social and political bite. 7:30pm December 10 at The FBi Social, level 2 of the Kings Cross Hotel. $15 on the door. (Broadcast at 8pm live on Fbi Radio 94.5 FM or fbiradio.com)
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A Rational Fear’s End Of The Fear Special

Suck It Mayans we made it!

Sydney’s number one satirical comedy night is back at the FBi Social to see off the year 2012 with classless aplomb.

Some of Australia’s best comedic talent tackle topical issues head on without fear nor favour.  Part panel show, part soap box, part interview show, it’s like Q AndA on schoolies. 

Join MC Dan Ilic (Hungry Beast), Lewis Hobba (Triple J), Scott Abbott (Political Asylum) and Chris Taylor (The Chaser) with special guest comics Zoe Norton Lodge (Hamster Wheel) Nina Oyama (Raw Comedy) and Wil Anderson (The Gruen Transfer) and a very special interview guest TBA (TBC) 

Fast, funny, and highly questionable. A Rational Fear’s End Of The Fear Special is Cutting edge piss-taking with social and political bite.

7:30pm December 10 at The FBi Social, level 2 of the Kings Cross Hotel. $15 on the door.

(Broadcast at 8pm live on Fbi Radio 94.5 FM or fbiradio.com)

FAIRFAX – WHAT THE CUTS REALLY MEAN

THE CHASER’S CHRIS TAYLOR LAYS OUT HIS VISION FOR THE FUTURE OF FAIRFAX’S PRINT BUSINESS.

At Fairfax, we were all saddened today to read of News Limited’s decision to axe 1000 jobs. We were saddened in part because of what is says about this country’s increasingly fragile media landscape; but saddened mostly because it was 900 fewer jobs than Fairfax cut, so we look like the bigger cunts. 

There has been much speculation and misinformation in recent days about how the Fairfax cuts will affect our day-to-day business, so on behalf of the board I thought it might be prudent to spell out the likely short-to-medium term impact that the restructuring will have on our much loved newspapers and websites.

LOCAL NEWS 

It’s inevitable that our local news coverage will be affected by the 1900 job losses. We’re particularly sorry that many of these job cuts will come from the Masterchef Recap division, which will be reduced from 400 writers down to just 200. We’ve similarly had to axe 140 journalists from The Voice Recap department, and another 80 journalists from the Test Pattern Recap department. Despite these cuts, Fairfax promises to continue our commitment to serious quality journalism which readers of our daily tv show recaps have come to expect. 

INTERNATIONAL NEWS

Similarly, cuts to our Foreign Desk will mean that our online news sites will have to limit their international coverage to only 4 fashion show videos per week. Fashion show photo galleries will also be scaled back, and we’ll now only have 16 full-time staff to source celebrity gossip and humorous viral videos that we can re-post on our websites as news.

THE GUIDE

Michael Idato and Doug Anderson’s daily online videos will remain a flagship feature of the smh.com.au website, but sadly we’ve had to reduce the number of Michael Idato’s chins from four to three. The surplus chin is expected to be redistributed to Fairfax shareholders, with the bulk of it expected to be absorbed by Gina Rinehart, who’s been looking to add an extra chin to her portfolio. 

CRICKET COVERAGE 

With great foresight and selflessness, Peter Roebuck elected to take his “voluntary redundancy” a year earlier than the rest of Fairfax staff, so this cut-back has essentially already taken effect. The remaining cricket writers on staff will be encouraged to take a leaf out of Roebuck’s book, by checking themselves into high-rise hotels and doing the honourable thing by the company.

SYRIA COVERAGE

Our coverage of the conflict in Syria will from now on be contained to a single small item in the World News section. So, in other words, no change. 

GERARD HENDERSON

Under the new paywall arrangements, Gerard Henderson’s weekly column will still be made available in full for free. But readers who wish to be shielded from it can pay a small monthly fee to ensure they never have to see it. 

SYDNEY MAGAZINE

Our popular monthly glossy has also been forced to tighten its belt, undertaking to publish 30% fewer items about Brendan Cowell’s perfect Sunday, or Neil Perry’s top five ways to cook pork belly. The magazine’s mandatory features on Hot Young Butchers To Watch and Sydney’s Top 5 Power Couples will be merged to produce a single monthly feature on Sydney’s Top 5 Power Butchers. 

THE WIZARD OF ID

The half joke that appears in the final panel of The Wizard of Id comic each day will now be reduced to a ¼ joke. Bristow, we’re happy to report, will remain unchanged as jokeless. 

MICHELLE GRATTAN

Michelle Grattan’s glasses will be reduced in size by 30%. Although a stringent cutback, readers can rest assured that her lenses will still be thicker than those used in the Hubble telescope. Sadly, our negotiations to similarly reduce the size (or existence) of Peter FitzSimons’ bandana were unsuccessful.

SAMANTHA BRETT

It’s not all bad news. Samantha Brett will rejoin the organization and, in addition to her weekly Sam and the City column urging women to be more open-minded about rape (“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, girls – it could get you that job promotion or that nice pair of Jimmy Choos you’ve been salivating over”), she will also take on the finance round, the environment round and the foreign desk. Additionally, Samantha Brett’s left bosom will replace Elizabeth Farrelly on the opinion page, penning a weekly think piece. This will leave her right bosom free to cover state politics.

COLUMN 8

In the new tabloid format, Column 8 will become Column 4, but its passion for blackboard menu spelling mistakes and amusing malapropisms overheard on the bus will remain unchanged. 

GOOD LIVING

Unfortunately the Good Living supplement on Tuesdays will now only be able to write-up three new Surry Hills establishments each week, instead of the traditional seven. Bill Granger’s picture byline will also now look 20% less gay. 

KATE WATERHOUSE

The popular ‘Lunch with Kate’ column in the Sun Herald is sadly also not immune. Budget cuts mean that Kate Waterhouse will only be able to interview half as many of her fashion chums about their rugby league boyfriends, or the two months they just spent in LA trying to get into acting. Budget cuts have also placed the Gazebo Wine Garden “off limits” for all of these lunches, forcing Kate to leave the eastern suburbs for the first time in her life (trips to Thredbo notwithstanding) to dine at Chinese Noodle Restaurant like the rest of us. 

SATURDAY SUPPLEMENTS

The raft of annoying, unwanted lifestyle supplements in the Saturday Age and Herald will be reduced from 15 to 14. We apologise that it couldn’t be more. As a gesture of goodwill towards our readers, the Drive and Domain supplements will now appear in every edition of the paper throughout the week in the place where we used to put the News. Readers should also note that the Jobs supplement will switch from tabloid format down to Post-It note size; this change is owing to the fact that there are no longer any media jobs in Australia left to advertise.

CHRIS TAYLOR WILL BE PERFORMING AT A RATIONAL FEAR LIVE NEXT MONDAY NIGHT 25TH OF JUNE AT THE FBI SOCIAL.

CLICK HERE FOR FACEBOOK EVENT  Why bother watching #QandA on a Monday night, when there won’t be any climate scientists or Australian’s Of The Year on there. A Rational Fear however has both!*Monday 14th of May at The FBi Social, see some of Australia’s best comedians tackle news, media and politics. Join Hungry Beasts’ Dan Ilic and Lewis Hobba, with Chris Taylor from the Chaser, Claire Hooper from Good news week, Heath Franklin from Randling, comedy firestorm Desh, and Australia Of The Year and scientist Tim Flannery. It’s fast, it’s funny, it’s tremendous value for money. This is the Biggest A Rational Fear YET. *Tim Flannery may not be a climate scientist. Where: FBi Social, Level 2, Kings Cross Hotel, 248 Williams Street, Kings Cross. When: May 14th , 7:30pm-9pm (This is a LIVE radio broadcast and the show starts at 8pm on the dot!) How Much: $10
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CLICK HERE FOR FACEBOOK EVENT 

Why bother watching #QandA on a Monday night, when there won’t be any climate scientists or Australian’s Of The Year on there. A Rational Fear however has both!*

Monday 14th of May at The FBi Social, see some of Australia’s best comedians tackle news, media and politics. Join Hungry Beasts’ Dan Ilic and Lewis Hobba, with Chris Taylor from the Chaser, Claire Hooper from Good news week, Heath Franklin from Randling, comedy firestorm Desh, and Australia Of The Year and scientist Tim Flannery.

It’s fast, it’s funny, it’s tremendous value for money.

This is the Biggest A Rational Fear YET. *Tim Flannery may not be a climate scientist. Where: FBi Social, Level 2, Kings Cross Hotel, 248 Williams Street, Kings Cross. When: May 14th , 7:30pm-9pm (This is a LIVE radio broadcast and the show starts at 8pm on the dot!) How Much: $10

McDONALD’S GETS RE-COMMISSIONED

The Chaser’s Chris Taylor imagines the email exchange between Maccas and Channel Seven in getting Series Two of their “documentary” series on the air.

From: Catriona Noble, CEO McDonald’s AustraliaTo: Brad Lyons, Head of Production, Seven Network
CC: Steve Liebmann
Subject: New format ideas

Brad,

We’re still getting great feedback about the McDonald’s Gets Grilled special the other night. And Steve, you did an amazing job too – possibly your best journalistic investigation since those “alert but not alarmed” fridge magnets ads you did for the Howard government. Sorry, did I say ads? I meant undercover expose, obviously. From McDonald’s point of view we couldn’t be happier with how the show turned out. Sales of fries have already gone up 600% since people learnt we drench them in sugar syrup. But there’s still so much more we’d like to do.

Our TV Development division (formerly known as the Brand Management division) is keen to continue working closely with Seven to develop innovative and informative programming ideas that integrate the McDonald’s brand. I know you’ve already green-lit the Happy Meal Deal or No Deal children’s series for the 4.30pm slot, which is great news, but prime-time remains our main focus. Here’s the first batch of ideas myself and the team have come up with for your consideration:

McDonald’s Playland Gets Grilled

Six everyday kids, aged between 6 to 12, are taken to various plastics manufacturing plants around the country to witness first-hand where McDonald’s sources its playground equipment from. The kids will be able to meet slippery dip suppliers and ask any questions they have about the equipment’s levels of safety and fun. Steve Liebmann to host?

McDownton Abbey

A brand new series of the popular British drama where, at the onset of war, Lord Grantham and his staff must confront the added complication of a visit by the Hamburglar. Could maybe also include a sub-plot where Lady Mary finds herself having romantic feelings for Grimace. Could a shock wedding announcement be on the cards?? (Note: check if Derek Jacobi is available to play Grimace. Or, failing that, Steve Liebmann.)

Always In A Pickle

For Trevor and Sonia Pickle, life didn’t turn out quite how they’d imagined it. (I’ll leave it to your writers to fill in the rest. But basically, we just want something warm and inoffensive starring Rebecca Gibney. People still like Rebecca Gibney, right?)

Burger Security

A fly-on-the-wall reality series which follows airport Customs officials crack down on people bringing inferior hamburgers (read: any Hungry Jacks products) into the country. Could perhaps also examine McDonald’s increasing use of “lettuce mules” – air passengers to Australia who bravely swallow condoms full of lettuces to ensure that, even when ingredients are out of season, McDonald’s hamburgers still use the freshest available produce. Steve Liebmann to narrate?

Home & Away

Very happy to keep the existing show as is, but our Marketing Division wondered if we could tweak the language on the show a bit. So, for instance, instead of “flamin’ mongrels” could Alf Stewart perhaps make more references to “flamin’ grilled McChicken burgers”?

Better Homes and Drive-Thrus

The team explores Australia’s ongoing love affair with renovating McDonald’s drive-thru ramps. With expert everyday tips on design, landscaping and how to position the Order Box so it’s still harmonious with the environment.

Australia’s Got Nuggets

Self-explanatory really. A nation-wide search for Australia’s most intriguingly shaped nugget. Steve Liebmann to judge?

Channel 7 News

From our end, we’re very happy to arrange several armed hold-ups or aggravated assaults at McDonald’s stores to give you content for the 7pm news. Our in-store CCTV cameras will guarantee you “good pictures” that your rivals won’t have. In exchange we’d ask that each story include at least one vox pop with an eyewitness who remarks on the excellent value of the new Loose Change menu. (Sample grab: “With all your favourite McDonald’s treats now available for less than $2, I can’t believe anyone would need to rob this store!”)

Dancing with the Stars

Again, no major tweaks needed to show’s format (why fix what ain’t broke, right?), but in all on-screen graphics and supers could the host Daniel MacPherson please in future be referred to as Daniel Big Mac-Pherson? Likewise we’d like Todd McKenney to be called Todd Big Mac-Kenney. We’d also like the judge Helen Richey fired because we can’t make a McDonald’s-based pun out of her name.

 Celebrity McDonald’s Gets Grilled

Same as the original show, but with celebrities doing the “grilling”. I heard that Go Back To Where You Came From on SBS has got Peter Reith on board for their next series. How about we do the same, and get celebrity politicians to taste test McDonald’s? Has anyone got Amanda Vanstone’s number?

Obviously if any of these projects were commissioned we’d appoint an independent production company to make the series, to ensure absolute objectivity at all times. Please let me know what you think. We hope you’re as excited about these ideas as we are.

Kind regards,

 Catriona.

PS. I know I said let’s do lunch at McDonald’s next Friday. But is there any chance we could move that to Rockpool instead?

From: Brad Lyons, Head of Production, Seven Network
To: Catriona Noble, CEO McDonald’s Australia
CC: Steve Liebmann
Re: New format ideas

Catriona,

Thank you for your ideas. We’ll take them under consideration. Scheduling is a little tight at the moment, as we’ve just commissioned a new investigative documentary series Why Qantas Is Great, as well as the new 13-part family drama Telstra Gets Some Long Overdue Praise. We’re also still trying to find space for the exciting new sitcom Easy Off Bam! starring Kat Stewart and Martin Grellis.

 But we value your input and your ongoing role as a major advertiser/content provider on the Seven network. See you at Rockpool next Friday. But, please, don’t invite Steve.

Sincerely Yours,

Brad Lyons.

PS. Andrew O’Keefe LOVED your idea for Happy Meal Deal or No Deal re. getting all the models to hold Fillet-O-Fish burgers instead of briefcases. Unfortunately the burgers aren’t holding up too well under the hot lights, so we’ve had to go back to the briefcases. Our apologies.

Chris Taylor will join Dan Ilic for A Rational Fear LIVE on April 16th, 7:30pm, FBi Social, Level 2 Kings Cross Hotel, 248 Williams Street, Kings Cross.

A RATIONAL FEAR LIVE 2.0

CLICK FOR: FACEBOOK EVENT 

A Rational Fear LIVE: April 16th

“A Rational Fear LIVE” is back for a second helping of satirical comedy and muckraking.

Live on stage at the FBi Social and live on FBi radio

Join Hungry Beast’s Dan Ilic and Lewis Hobba, with DJ Tom Loud and Sydney’s best comedians including Scott Abbot (Political Asylum), Veronica Milsom (Triple J, TAYG), Mark Humphries (Raw Comedy), David Bloustien (GNW, Randling) as awell as special guests Chris Taylor from the Chaser and twitter / PM host Mark Colvin as they rip apart, openly mock and analyse the truth behind the news.

It’s fast, it’s funny, at ten bucks on the door it’s incredibly good value. 

A Rational Fear:there’s always something to be scared of.