Bob Katter reveals Mutant Conspiracy
KATTER CORRESPONDANT: JAZZ TWEMLOW
Bob Katter has recently landed himself in controversy by publishing a campaign advertisement in which a supposed male gay couple are seen cradling something pixelated, the implication being that whatever the men were holding between them was unfit for public viewing.
Crazy leftist progressives, you know, those people that want equal rights for all people (yes, all people, including the ones of a different sexual orientation and/or colour from you and I, loyal straight white reader), believed that the issue being made taboo here was same-sex adoption. However, a recently released picture, unpixelated, shows the horrible truth of the matter, and has since cleared Katter of any bigoted wrongdoing.
The original image, now available, shows the two men embracing the fruits of their relationship; a hideous, malformed creature growing from one of their chests. It illustrates that, adding insult to injury, not only are gay men intent on bastardising nature by growing their own children in a sick and twisted, gay-abdominal, echo of The Matrix, but that their chosen look is one of an aborted foetus.
“Wanting to have their own children is one thing,” Bob Katter wept into his manly, heterosexual hands, “but deliberately raising a child that looks really, really like an abortion is just a massive affront to decent Christian family values. And on your own chest of all places.”
Now seen in the correct context, the Australian people have rallied behind Katter’s campaign, realising that his decision to pixelate the original image was not made out of bigotry, but out of a desire to protect Australia from the ugly truth that gay men can, at will, mass produce mutant children who will definitely be gay as well.
Fertility experts fear that, if these gay chest-mutants breed with each other, spouting further children on their own chests, Australian society will soon be overrun by a “hideous gay mutant fractal” that could overwhelm the city.
Meanwhile, Katter continues to try to raise money for a charity aimed at getting these miniature gay mutants into the heterosexual lifestyle, by developing tiny fishing rods and protective sports padding for their gay adult hosts.