STOP TONY! #TONY2012
Finally a cause we can all agree on, we need to stop Tony Abbott from wearing speedoes ever again.
MAN APPARENTLY CARRYING FLOWERS FOR NO ONE.
FIRST ON THE SCENE, JAMES COLLEY WANTED BUT DIDN’T GET THE FLOWERS.
Witness reports emerging from Pitt Street Sydney are indicating the flowers a local man made a big show of buying are apparently for no one.
Incoming information suggests the man has been wandering back and forth for some time now, checking his watch and looking to the distance. Initial reports that the man had been stood up have now been confirmed as false.
“At first I just felt bad for the guy,” said onlooker Charles Tran. “But something about what he was doing seemed weird. It was as if he wasn’t actually waiting for anyone.”
Though his identity has yet to be confirmed, witnesses have report the man on multiple occasions offering the flowers to various strangers only to feign embarrassment loudly proclaiming he thought they were someone else.
Police say the man seems essentially harmless, if existentially upsetting to all in the area.
“There are some questions we’ll never know the answers to,” said Sergeant Louis. “Why did he shout so loudly, to no one, that he was going to splurge on two dozen roses? Why won’t he break eye contact with passers by? Is this art or protest or protest art?”
The local flower business, though appreciative of his purchase, seemed equally unaware of the man’s motives.
“When I asked who to make out the card to he seemed to pause,” said florist Annable Lens. “He stumbled through the first syllables of a few different names before finally settling on a message.”
“He asked me to write ‘TO LOVE’ on the card,” she reported.
UPDATE: Unconfirmed reports man is eating the flowers. More as this develops.
RELATED: VALENTINE’S DAY JUST ABOUT COMMERCIALISM, NATION COMPLAINS VIA IPHONES.
