Buy Me A Kony

A Rational Fear’s chief Minister for Bullshitting Scott Abbott dresses down the #kony Kampaign

So you guys all know about Joseph Kony? Ugandan warlord, dropped out of school, formed the Lord’s Resistance Army, spent the last 25 years pillaging the central African countryside and now is the most hated man on the planet.  The message here for the kids… stay in school.

I love facebook campaigns.  I love how everyone on facebook is so progressive….. except when it comes to changing facebook.  Everyone on my facebook feed is all “open borders, legalise drugs, free Uganda!”  But when they make some tiny change to the facebook layout everyone goes “Death to Zuckerburg!”

Now the Kony campaign all started because this guy made a promise to a victim of Kony’s saying that he promised he would get Kony.  Now as a child I was always told “Don’t make promises you can’t keep”.  Another good rule to live by I think is “Don’t make promises you need the American Army to help you keep”

In the video the film maker explains the situation to his 5 year old son and and his son agrees that we should get Kony, and he uses this as evidence to support his campaign.  I was thinking “Is this really a responsible model for troop deployment? - basing American military strategy on what can be understood by a 5 year old?”  “Didn’t we try this under the bush administration?”

So with the Kony Campaign our job is to get in touch with 20 ‘culture makers’ and 12 policy makers.  These people lean on the American Government, who keep US advisors in Uganda, who then help the Ugandan army get Kony.

One of the interesting choices for Culture Makers we are meant to contact I thought was Bono.  They are actually asking us to contact Bono about this.  Say what you like about Bono, but my guess is that Bono already knows.  Can you imagine Bono getting all these tweets from 12 year olds all over the world?  “Dear Bono, I don’t know if you realise this, but bad things are happenning in Africa”  “P.S Africa is below Europe, I have attached a map.”

There are some strange choices for Policy Makers too.  George W. Bush is number 1.  Do you think George W. Bush is going to appreciate getting all these messages from the worlds left leaning humanitarians.  “Dear President Bush, we’ve come up with this great new policy, everyone is onboard, I think you’re going to love it.  We call it …. American Military Intervention! How it works is, we sent American troops into a sovereign country and get the bad guys… I dont know why someone hasn’t thought of this earlier”

The other one I thought was a interesting was someone who was omitted from the list of policy makers.   Former US Secretary of State Condelleza Rice, on the list.  Former US President Bill Clinton, on the list.  Current US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton, nowhere to be seen.  “Quick, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, theres trouble in a far off land and the world needs you… to contact your predecessor and your husband.” 

No no, don’t bother yourself with it Hillary.  If you really want to help just share this video on facebook.

And do you have George Clooneys number?